S6E5: Who Am I In All This?

Season 6

Episode 5

Who Am I In All This?

Can you find yourself in the depths of your darkness? Can you find yourself in the light of your spiritual heights?

On this episode of The Sacred Donut Podcast, we host another incredible guest who shares her life's experiences from pain & suffering to spiritual growth & enlightenment.

Beverly Castaneda is a spiritual healer, medicine woman, practicioner of Tibetan Cranial healing and Maya spiritual guide of the 5th Sun.

She is the owner and proprietor of Hummingbird Sacred Smoke and an active member of both Strawberry Moon Energetics, Ancestral Healing & Sacred Teachings, and of Oxlaju Ochoch Tz'ikin-- House Of 13 Eagles.

Beverly takes us into a beautiful place of remembering that it is more than possible to heal from trials and tribulations, co-dependendies, psychological & physical disorders, traumas, and abuse. She is proof that not only can you heal from such experiences, but you can learn and thrive.

The conversation uncovers the delicate balance between devotion and self-awareness, highlighting the importance of adaptability in spiritual growth. We unravel insights on the intersection of personal pain and accountability, emphasizing healthier emotional expressions and the transformative power of forgiveness and unconditional love.

https://www.hummingbirdsacredsmoke.com/

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! 
Start for FREE

Chapters

• 0:00 Spiritual Journey of Healing and Transformation
• 15:36 Journey to Self-Acceptance and Healing
• 24:41 Understanding and Healing Pain
• 32:08 Cultural Immersion and Spiritual Devotion
• 40:49 Inner Light and Oneness
• 47:18 Healing Practice and Ancestral Connections
• 1:00:20 Ecosystem Restoration and Liberation Movement
• 1:08:18 Nature's Wisdom and Healing Connection
• 1:18:04 Healing Through Forgiveness and Unconditional Love
• 1:26:25 Invoke Healing and Divine Connection

Transcript

Nataline: 0:38

Hello everyone. This is Nataline Ruth Cruz, coming to you from Strawberry Moon Energetics on another episode of the Sacred Donut Podcast. I am here today. Well, before I say who I'm here today with, I want to dedicate this episode to my prima, bernadette Martinez. We also called her Bernie and we'll get to why we're dedicating this to her today, but shout out to her because she's one warrior woman for sure, and I always felt good knowing she had my back, that's for sure. So, before we get into why, why we're dedicating it to her, I'm here today with my podcast crew producer Tio Teresa Sanchez, mariah Cruz, naneo Menjivar, tanya Tenorio Rashad, and we have a special guest here today. You want to just say your name for us Beverly Castaneda.

Nataline: 1:48

Beverly's here today and we'll let her give you a longer introduction here in a moment. Before we go on, I want to just do a quick housekeeping. Please follow us on Instagram, facebook. What else? Your personal TikTok? Oh yeah, my TikTok, my ticky talky that I do, really rough and raw, apparently. And also we have a couple of retreats for 2025. So check out the website for upcoming events and all that information. Okay, let's get to the good stuff. Beverly, tell us who you are and what's been going on in your world.

Beverly: 2:33

Thank you, natalie, and thank you everyone. I come from these lands, from the indigenous nations of the Arapaho, the Apache, the Diné and Ute, and what I've been doing is clearing and healing and balancing and working in the energies of forgiveness for all life and all humanity. But at the beginning, that's not how it started, so tell me how it started.

Nataline: 3:03

So tell me how it started. Tell me your spiritual journey, and I say spiritual journey because all of our human existence is a spiritual journey.

Beverly: 3:21

So tell me a little bit about your spiritual journey and how you ended up here at this table on the sacred donut. My spiritual journey began when I first got sober and, to go into my history, I had experienced anorexic bulimia, domestic violence, domestic violence, sexual abuse and rape and severe disassociation, and those things led to feeling extreme pain and suffering in my body and I didn't have anyone to show me how to process that or what do I do with it. I seen in my family that there was addiction and so it was something that I escaped, and so anorexic bulimia when I first started purging my food, I felt the head rush and it was the first time that I didn't feel pain, so that was the beginning.

Nataline: 4:24

So when I said your spiritual journey, all of your experiences are your spiritual journey. All of your experiences are your spiritual journey. We could say your spiritual awakening was after you got sober, but part of your journey was a journey through what we understand to be your dark cities. Right, okay, so tell me, how did that? How did you go from domestic violence, abuse, anorexia, addiction, into sobriety, into awakening?

Beverly: 4:55

It started off with. I needed help. I was just about ready to end my life and there was something inside of me that said do you want to live? And I said yes. I said I don't know how to live with all this pain and suffering and it said I'll teach you. And I said why would you want to teach me?

Beverly: 5:21

And it was the beginning of my relationship, of connecting to something that I felt that I needed to learn how to trust and have a relationship with and other people have said it was God. And for me I didn't want to use that word because I had abandoned God and I walked away from God, and at the time it was the devil. And I said you both can't have me. So for me, when I started to hear this inner guidance, I said do not hurt me. I've been through enough pain and suffering and if you can show me how to live my life without pain and suffering, then I will follow you. I will listen and do whatever it takes for me not to live in this path. And I could see that path being the pain and suffering and the addiction, and then this other path. I had no idea what it was going to be like.

Nataline: 6:20

And so then, in that moment of trusting this voice or this presence, then what you know because I'm thinking as you're talking, if somebody's listening, my hope is somebody, my knowing is someone is listening right now in a similar situation. And so how do they go from that, even if they don't hear the voice, to then becoming where you are today? What's the next step?

Beverly: 6:50

I had a lot of trial and error still in between that to create a relationship to where I was still blaming and shaming myself for certain things.

Beverly: 7:08

So the first time I heard that inner guidance is when I was in jail, and it was the first time that I had to get sober and I openly admitted to the judge that I had a methamphetamine problem. And he said I've been a judge for 40 years and not once have I ever heard anyone say or admit that they have a problem and I will help you the best way that I can. So that was the beginning of being honest and reaching out. So then I got sober for six months it was actually supposed to be for a year and the inner guidance was telling me to do this, do that. And every morning I would get up and I would hear go for a walk. Then I would go for a walk. I wouldn't question it because I wanted to live and I didn't know what living looked like. So every time I would hear a suggestion to go do it, I would do it.

Beverly: 8:05

Just as long as it wasn't the other door that I had been in. So when the judge told me you know what it's? Six months You've been, you've did everything that you were supposed to do. I'm going to cut your probation in half. And I said I'm going to get high is what I said in my head. And I heard don't go back to getting high. I need you to do something. I said I got this. Who's talking to me? You know my big ego.

Beverly: 8:29

And I went back to getting high and I suffered in my addiction for another five years. Wow, and then when and I kept, and this time I had God with me. When I was in the space. This was the first time that I had God with me. When I was using drugs. It was so different and I was pleading and begging and I would hear you're not ready, you're not ready. And then, when I was ready to take my life again and I was serious, I heard you're ready. I said well, what do I have to do? Remember what you did before. Every time, something new, a new idea came in your head. You followed it and you did it, no questions asked. You just did it. So I became this yes, person.

Nataline: 9:15

And before that like rebel right, rebel without a cause.

Beverly: 9:19

Yes, Everything was a no. And I was in the and I was facing pain and suffering. So I had a chip on my shoulder. And also, too, when I was in jail, I heard my inner guidance tell me see all these women here in jail. I said, yep, they all have a chip on their shoulder. I said I don't. They said, yes, you do, You're just like them. So it was like a rude awakening, and it was also the first time I couldn't purge my food to being in jail for 45 days and it makes me go like you know, chip on your shoulder.

Nataline: 9:53

Because women, when they become in pain like that, they it's like a callus, right. It starts off as a wound and then a blister and then a callus, so they become hard right. When we think about cause, I'm thinking like as wounded as you were, like how does you have a chip on your shoulder? But it's from. The pain turns into the hardness. It's what makes them hard right.

Beverly: 10:22

I feel like it was more because I got a chip on my shoulder, because I always felt like I was doing the right thing Be a good girl, be a good person and just deal with it, or let people run all over you. Like I just felt like if I did this, that shows that I'm good, like always these things that I was taught from my family or that I mimicked that this is what a good person is and I would get taken advantage of because I didn't have any boundaries and I didn't have a sense of self. So then the chip was like okay, this is enough. Like I went looking for the people that picked on me in high school and I hurt people and I take full responsibility and accountability for that. And I don't mean like you know, I mean fighting with them. We're going to physically fight now.

Nataline: 11:10

So um, but that's what I'm saying. Like you turn the, so the yes person, so the the people pleaser before in the beginning, then becomes the rebel without a cause, then becomes chip on my shoulder. You know hard. When I say hard it's that like where you know, I feel often that we get so wounded that it's like you can't. The only way to survive is to become hard right.

Beverly: 11:40

So it was severe, the wounding. It was the mental that I took from all of the abuse and the abusers that I experienced. I took it on and made it my own. So then I became my own abuser in my own head and played that in my head and there was some pride in that that I would say I'm not going to allow anybody to hurt me, but I will be the first one to hurt me. Okay, I see.

Nataline: 12:06

So then, um you then, five years struggle, Well, one. I want to bring light on that because I think that addiction is one of those things. Relapse is very common in sobriety and I think sometimes people need to hear that people who have successfully found sobriety often have relapsed somewhere along the way, and sometimes several times.

Beverly: 12:33

Yes, Well, it was a cycle that I would go through. When I would get sober, I would be on the doctor's drugs. So it became a battle of I'm always having to be on something. Where is me? Yeah, where where am I at in all of this?

Nataline: 12:50

Wow, yeah, we see that a lot. That's part of the frustration with our systems is how do we really help people become sober when we're not getting to the root of the pain? So then, how did you then become sober? How did you find your tools or your way from there? Five years goes by. You're back and forth. Then what?

Beverly: 13:16

Well, when I was court ordered first of all, I want to shout out to Empowerment Program, because they are a secondary-based trauma unit for women and I was court-ordered to be there and I did what I needed to do. And then, when I got sober moving forward five years, then I got sober I went and volunteered in their program. I asked can I come and volunteer? Like I need help. So I went to their program and the first year of my sobriety they sent us to Black Forest on a retreat and there was a lady who did a meditation with us on the land.

Beverly: 13:51

It was the first time I was out. It was actually Ute Ute in Christianity I think there was two different, but it was Ute reservation or the nation was there because you could see their language, their culture was there. And when she did that, I felt something lift me and I was like I'm sober, I should not be feeling this, like what's going on, like there's some after effect or like. And then I closed my eyes again and then I felt it lift me. I was like there is something here that is getting my attention and I want to, I want to explore this more. So I started meditating and started to receive bliss for the first time. Nice.

Nataline: 14:42

And how was that a game changer for you?

Beverly: 14:49

I felt like I could ask for forgiveness for the things that I experienced in my life Because that's what was happening in the meditations To something that would show me how to dissolve the pain and that meant that I would have to look at the things that I had done without judgment for the first time and that was so beautiful for me to experience that. And I didn't know how to verbalize it before to people, because people have asked me how did you get sober, beverly, from methamphetamines, like how? And it was the meditation.

Nataline: 15:26

That's beautiful so then, how did you end up at Strawberry Moon?

Beverly: 15:33

moving forward um eight years I was working at. I got offered a job at Herbs and Arts because the empowerment program is just a couple of blocks down and the empowerment program seeing that I was changing and they wanted me to teach this to the women, so I would go and get my supplies at Herbs and Arts. And then they asked me if I wanted a job and Herbs and Arts is a metaphysical shop in Denver, correct?

Beverly: 15:57

Yes it is. And shout out to all the people who work at Herbs and Arts and Kay Wynn and John, thank you for the opportunity. So I was there and one of your students came in. Two of your students actually came in that same week and said have you heard of Strawberry Moon? I said, what's Strawberry Moon? You need to be there. And I was like I don't know, like yes, you should go, because at the time I was in, you know, I'd like to isolate. It was my jam, like that's where I meditate. And then I heard it the second time from another one of your students and I was like, okay, I've heard it two times, I'm going to go check this out. So then that's when I went to see you, natalie, and I asked, two people came and talked to me and said that I needed to be here and that's the beginning of my relationship with you and Strawberry Moon.

Nataline: 16:47

Wow, and how long ago was that? Do you know? Because I don't. To me it's like eternity.

Beverly: 17:00

Well, I've been your student. I finished the Kapuli, the four-year Kapuli, and then I started the Oshlahu Ochoch Ziking, the House of the Thirteen Eagles, and I think this is our fourth year, or is that fourth?

Nataline: 17:07

year.

Beverly: 17:08

Yeah, you're about three and a half, I think, so seven and a half Wow.

Nataline: 17:13

And how has what you've done here? Has it helped? Has it, you know, if you were already walking a path, if you were already finding your way, but you were isolated, was there benefit to coming to a place like this? Was there what? What did you get out of it?

Beverly: 17:35

So yes and yes and yes. Freedom. It's something that I really I needed to be accountable and take full responsibility for my life, and that meant looking at my life in a place where I felt was sacred and that I could learn to trust how to process what I was feeling, could learn to trust how to process what I was feeling. So, yes, I was doing meditation before and then something happened and my bliss bubble bursted. It just did.

Beverly: 18:07

And then I connected with my indigenous communities and I became students of different teachings. And then I met you and for me, I felt like I needed to have room for me and I love our traditional medicine with our indigenous relatives and I am grateful for the traditional medicine and I'm you know, and there's protocol and that's exactly what I will do when I'm in those spaces, because I've learned the history of my ancestors and respect what they had to sacrifice for those teachings to still be here. And then I started to feel like, okay, well, where am I in all of this? And that's what led me to be with you and I'm really grateful that I get to explore that and I've bumped my head plenty of times against my head just kidding.

Nataline: 19:04

No, you're not. She meant that to me. Um, what I, what just caught my attention, is that you said when you were in addictive behavior, you couldn't find yourself. And then, going into your spiritual life, you couldn't find yourself. And then, going into your spiritual life, you couldn't find yourself. And that's the. That is when you said freedom to me. That is what my intention, my goal is for people is when they find themselves in all of this. This is what the freedom, this is how the freedom comes.

Nataline: 19:37

You have to be able to find yourself in all the things right, and so that's where sometimes we get stuck in religion, in certain you know, certain structures, certain. It's like you do, where am I in this? And if you don't find yourself, then you're going to struggle, whether you're sober or not. So I think it's like you do where am I in this? And if you don't find yourself, then you're going to struggle, whether you're sober or not. So I think it's beautiful for you. You know, that is my goal here is for people to always say, like I say, no matter what I teach here, my biggest thing is know thyself, because if you don't know yourself, then you can't find yourself Right, but when you know yourself, you find yourself where.

Beverly: 20:25

When you find yourself, you know how to ask for what you want and also, too, you're able well, from my experience, the taking full accountability and responsibility for my life.

Beverly: 20:37

It's such a big game changer for me because when you take the blame and the shame and the guilt out of it, you have to look at things as they are and then I get to see how I've been showing up and the focus of the center of that is do I like what I'm doing? Can I change that and what are other ways of doing things? Just for purely love, and for me, because I had such a deep codependency on things like that's where my love, rob, has come into my life and I truly appreciate and love my babes is because I get to see myself in the mere reflection of him so divinely, and I feel like that's why I bumped my head here. A lot is because I wanted I got so used to doing protocol that it was here's the tools and you would tell me you already know and I'd be like but I'm asking you, you already know when she's going to give me a different answer.

Nataline: 21:39

She would come to me and ask me questions, like about things, and I would say you tell me, sister, and you could tell. She would just be like, and then one day, I think it finally you came and said I don't need to ask you anyone no, because there is an inner trust that gets established and that's sacred.

Beverly: 21:58

And I really feel like the lessons that I learn in that space. It's very simple and that I can make it very complex when it gets stuck in my head. So I have to know, I have to know myself. So when an idea comes in, I don't even get attached to that idea because I'm accepting myself for who I am is one of the teachings that I'm really realizing now, so that everything that I do, that I accept, because even when I go, oh, I don't like, when I do that, it changes my vibration and frequency. Then the frequency gets confused wait a minute, like what? What's going on here? And I want that energy to be consistent. So that is where the unconditional love comes from. Is I accept myself, even in my pain and grief. So that's been a big game changer for me as well.

Nataline: 22:49

I hope everyone who's listening can take that as a piece of advice or an inspiration, that a piece of advice or an inspiration that you know taking, accepting yourself, even in my pain, because in our pain is where our bad behavior comes from. You said in the beginning I was trying to. I was in so much pain I couldn't find myself right. I was in so much pain I had to medicate, I had to control, because that's what you know eating, controlling your eating, purging. It's about control. I can't control that. So I can control this. In my pain I accept myself because our worst behaviors, our jealousies, our guilt, our shame, our drama, our craziness always comes from a place of pain. I've had a couple conversations with women lately who feel very, you know, we could blame menopause, maybe we could blame a lot of things, but their underlying thing is they're in pain and they don't, they're not getting it resolved and so they're screaming and yelling and crazy making and drama because they're in pain. And what do we do when somebody's like that?

Speaker 3: 24:08

Nobody wants to be around them, or you get aggressive and defensive back, so it's just like knocking heads constantly.

Nataline: 24:15

Yes, and so that's the problem is, we need to understand that when people are in pain, when they're in their addiction, when they're in their drama, when they're in the crazy making, when they're in that they already feel isolated, right? They already feel like I'm in pain and nobody understands me, and they already don't like themselves. And so one outsiders us practitioners, lightworkers, healers we need to help go into that instead of rejecting them. That's one thing I always hope for here is when people do have their moment, Like occasionally we have someone that has a tantrum around here. It's like, if you're in pain, Tio just raised her hand, Just kidding, We've all thrown a tantrum. That's part of my hope is that people like understand like I threw the tantrum and yes, maybe that wasn't my best behavior and yes, maybe it was hurtful, but also I was in pain and I didn't know how else to express that. And I think community wise, family wise, like I always hope, like if we let people be in their pain for a minute but hold the space for them, give them that space so that they can get to a point where they can know themselves and then say this is how I behave when I'm in pain. Then, when that pain shows up again. They can go oh, I know what this is and I don't love the way I act when I'm in this pain, but I can accept that's how I act. I'm maybe not like it, but every time I'm going to try a little bit. But I'm going to choose, use different tools or find different ways to express my pain, to ask for what I need.

Nataline: 25:47

I'm in pain. I need to be left alone. I'm in pain. I need a hug. I'm in pain. I need you to make sure I don't drink. I'm in pain. I need a walk in silence. I don't drink. I'm in pain. I need to walk in silence. I'm in pain. Can you give me some tacos? Like, whatever. But I feel like when we can understand that people are in pain. The most bad behavior is that's what, where it stems from. My worst behavior is always because I'm in pain. It's either a frustration, a, it's a, it's a, it's a. I think that for most of us, it's a sense of like where am I in this? That's why I love what you're saying Like, where am I in this? And so in the pain. Sometimes we're in the pain because we can't find ourselves.

Beverly: 26:37

I had severe PTSD and schizophrenia effectiveness. That's what the doctors diagnosed me as and in that that's when I started to ask, especially in my relationships, like what happens to Beverly when I have an episode and I go someplace else where I'm in the suffering and the pain of the story. I started to not just look at the pain but look at what happens to Beverly, like the steps in the process, and I was still being hard on myself because I thought something was wrong with me. But in that process my inner self was asking me to look at how I move from this to that, teaching me look, this happens and then this happens and then maybe sometimes you eat too much sugar and the sugar is affecting your brain and your brain is leaving, you know, making this chemistry in your brain and it's acting out and violent as well.

Nataline: 27:36

Yeah, because that's also a drug. Sugar. I always say sugar is a gateway drug and I don't think people understand that sugar. The toxins in our food, those also have an effect on our mental health, on our emotional. That interferes with our receptors, that interferes with our hormones. So take someone who's already in pain, give them junk, right. We call drugs junk, we call food junk and then see how they're going to emotionally stabilize or be unstable. I think that also what you're saying is where I want, I always want, to take people.

Nataline: 28:14

When I say know thyself, it's knowing where, always monitoring or evaluating right. We always say in around here and especially in the Mayan school, that we evaluate ourselves right and so when we evaluate ourselves, then we find ourselves and then in that we know oh, I need to lay off the sugar, I need to regulate. I need to resolve this feeling I'm having with this person. I need to lay off the sugar, I need to regulate. I need to resolve this feeling I'm having with this person. I need to figure out what this emotional charge is. I need to process. That's one thing you said earlier. I didn't know how to process what I was feeling.

Beverly: 28:51

Well, I knew how to process more pain. I knew how to repeat the story over and over and over in my head and I created that. And when I was able to look at that from the Osh-Lahu Ochoch-Zikin you know how we're able to go in and look at what we created I was like, wow, I was a mastermind when I created all of that and taking responsibility from a space of power, not of suffering and pain.

Nataline: 29:13

Yeah, I like that because we can say, yeah, it's my fault, I'm the bad guy.

Speaker 3: 29:20

I feel like when people say it like that, they're manipulating you to feel bad for them and not really holding themselves accountable and that's the.

Nataline: 29:26

That's the drama. Yeah yeah, I know it's my fault, I'm the bad guy, I did it. Yeah yeah, when we really fully take accountability and this is like what I love to do when I work with couples is go to that space of like this is my issue, not yours. This is my pain from my childhood, not my partner's. Thank you, partner, for showing me that mirror. That's still there and that pain is still there. Thank you for that poke, because now I got to go take care of it. I'm not gonna. Then domestic violence with you and believe me, I know, I know, I know that, that you know, because especially in the intimate relationships, man, you feel raw at times, because that's the point of those is to get us to look at what is unresolved still.

Beverly: 30:15

For my experience when I hit the heightened part of the PTSD, there's a pause effect that takes place and it's really just holding the space, without any judgment and knowing that I don't know how this is going to happen. But I know that this possibility and this opportunity that is being given to me is to shift it out and be with it, and I've had to diligently work with that. And when they show up, I do tell Rob. Thank you, rob, I'll be right back because this is an opportunity for whatever has any residue of pain.

Beverly: 30:54

I want to sit with it in a different way now. I'm honoring it and thinking that it's okay for me to be super sensitive, it's okay for me to feel what I need to feel. And then I'm also learning boundaries when I go into spaces, on what energy centers to close so that I'm not fully open. And again, I practice to see what it's like when I close them at, you know, maybe 10% or 15, to see. Well, I left it at 15. I'm constantly analyzing things in that way of how did I feel? Did I feel like it picked up energy? And it's not in a space of judgment, it's just of observation and it's a good teacher.

Nataline: 31:35

So you recently went to Nepal and when you came, we'll talk a little bit about that. But when you came back, you came back to class, like you always do, and class was quite harsh for you. It was a bigger class than I mean. We had like I don't know 60 people in here I think. So it was quite crowded and it was loud and noisy and we were a little disorganized because it was a first class of a different system of what I was doing and it was very.

Nataline: 32:08

This is where I say, when you travel to places like that, when we do retreat, when we do, when we go into sacred places that are very much in the quiet, the calm, the solitude, how, when you settle your energy body, when you calm your nervous system, and then you come back, what I say, to come back to planet earth, to the tonalis, to the Dom Miguel, always goes the pspsps, like that. The energies are so erratic and so loud. Beverly came in and I could tell right away I was like, oh, if she makes it through class, I'll be surprised. And then you said at some point like wow, y'all are really loud. But it's funny because before you left you were just as loud. Right, you were just in it and it was normal. But see how, when you are, when you really become a person of power, how sensitive everything is and how much also you then realize.

Nataline: 33:11

This is why I say, when people get to a certain state of awakening, it's hard to even go into places like a bar, like a club, like you can't. Energetically, it gets harder and harder to be in such erratic, loud energy, right? Do you feel like since your trip, which I want you to talk about, you've settled in a little bit more Are? Are you adjusting?

Beverly: 33:37

I am grateful that I have the time right now to still integrate and I won't have that answer for you maybe until after January Because I took in a lot of energy when I was in Nepal and experienced so many new culture, connecting with the Nepalese, connecting with the Tibetan people, the Bhutanese like they are the same people as the Diné and the Hopi nation, and it was so healing for me that it helped me to see why I've been so committed to my spirituality and that's what I've been healing is my spirituality, and it gave me the answer that I needed that here in United States it looks addictive, it looks like I'm obsessive, but there I found it being so natural on how they're so devoted, so dedicated. They get up first thing in the morning and they're praying with their malas and the children. I've seen so many elderly people, the grandmothers and the grandfathers, just going around the stupa with the Hindu and the Buddhist together.

Nataline: 34:51

I found that so healing to see two different religions working together so harmoniously Well, and I'm glad you said that because I, you know, I've seen and I know energy like yours and I also know we talk a lot about in the Mayan cosmology, like we have a specific time that we're more aware of being a fanatic, like we have to really watch that codependency.

Nataline: 35:17

When you come from a codependent background and you come into your spiritual path, we often see people will become addicted to the spiritual path, they become codependent on their spiritual path.

Nataline: 35:31

And what I love is that, because again we're coming from the lens of Western linear thinking and when we look at that from the lens of Western linear thinking and when we look at that from the lens of Mayan cosmology or, like you're saying, in Nepal, coming from a devotion, but I still want to say we, this is where again you have to know thyself the difference between devotion and addiction.

Nataline: 36:00

Again you have to know thyself the difference between devotion and addiction. But to me I feel like for you that probably did feel so natural, because I think that in your spiritual path what I've seen is, yes, at moments there were moments of careful because this can look addictive, but then I've also seen you like course correct and then also be in your. I always think that as long as you come back to that sort of place of like, oh I have more work to do. As long as we keep coming back to that, oh, I still got a lot of work to do, then I'm never worried about somebody in the addictive behavior of spirituality. I have so much work to do I I'm never worried about somebody in the addictive behavior of spirituality.

Beverly: 36:40

I have so much work to do.

Nataline: 36:43

I do, yeah. And so devotion to me is where my not my frustration Sometimes when people come here and they do, especially like so when she says that's the house of 13 eagles, that's our school of Mayan cosmology. In that, in that container, we are more disciplined, we're a little bit more, we follow more protocol, we're, we're, you know, more in the ancient sacredness of the Mayan teachings. It's less lax, but I also um in that container, um, when I feel like you know, sometimes I will hear from the elders in in the Mayan nation don't push right, don't put. If they don't respond, if they don't want to like, don't push. And I get that and I'm all for that because I want people to have free will.

Nataline: 37:46

But I also think sometimes, like where's the devotion? Like where, if this is your path, why is it only your path once in a while? Why isn't it every day? Why isn't it? And again, it's their path? It's not my, it's not my judgment in my own, in my own looking at it. Anytime I go like, wow, I have a lot to do, there's a lot of work there, or I have a lot. Well, I have to remind myself this is my devotion to my mission, this is my devotion to God, to the agreement I made to come here and help humanity. So to me, what they do, what you saw there, is that same thing. They are in devotion to the mission that they're here to help humanity right.

Beverly: 38:36

Yes, because they don't have a sense of self. Everything that they do is very selfless. And because I got to sit with the monks and the Buddhas in their prayers, I got to also see my American manners and I had to learn to be quiet and just to be in the space of ingratitude in being able to be in their presence.

Nataline: 39:02

Yeah, as a Westerner, we're quite harsh, like you say manners, but do you mean?

Beverly: 39:07

mannerisms. Yes, mannerisms meaning I think a lot and I want to ask a lot of questions. No way, I've never noticed that. I come from a family of don't touch. You know, outsiders don't touch us. And then, when I grew into my spirituality, I wanted to hug everyone because it's a form of connection and loving. And there it's the same thing do not touch, yeah. And so how did that feel? I messed up a lot.

Beverly: 39:35

Yeah, it was like and I think I explained to you where, because you know I couldn't connect with the tobacco there because it's frowned upon in the area, the monastery where we were at and this is the Dilgo Kingstay Ripashay's monastery and around the stupa there would be fire and there would smoke.

Beverly: 39:54

And I seen it for the first time and I was like smoke. I'm going over there and I'm all dousing myself Like, oh my gosh, thank you, you know, going my four manifestations and I look over and everybody's like what are you doing? The lady grabbed the juniper because that's what they burn out there and that's their plant that they connect with. She tabbed it and then tapped it on her head, tapped it and tapped it and very politely tapped it and that was it. So I feel like, on one hand, there was a moment where they got to see someone else connect with the juniper smoke in a different way and that might have a ripple effect on how they're connecting with it also too. And at the same time I got to be in their culture and follow how they do things. So it was beautiful and whenever I would walk by everyone just kind of like cause they remembered me, but I would still.

Nataline: 40:50

But isn't this also what I've taught for years, like what I've said over the years is, like, how we go, like okay, here is a way to use the smoke, but if you go into other cultures, into other ceremonies, I always say I want people that come from Strawberry Moon to be able to adapt to, not to be able to go oh, that's wrong, that's not how we do it. To go, oh, my bad, that's, this is how you all do it. I'll respect that. But also doesn't it kind of show like less, less can be? I was thinking about this the other day.

Nataline: 41:22

I'm a more is more person and, um, I was thinking the other day how, like I I think I was dropping some, um, liquid vitamin D under my tongue and you know, I was like I want to do like two vials, right, and it's like you can do like four drops or something. And I had to like think, like I had to take my consciousness into the micro and like they, like I got the message like this tiny little drop has this kind of medicine that goes on such an atomic level into your body and da, da, da, da, da. And I'm like it's hard for my, it's hard for me because I'm cosmic, I want to do everything big picture right. My, my vision is big. I always have that Elo ball, that panoramic view. And so I thought one day when we were doing something I don't know what I was doing a presentation or something, and I could only use a teeny, tiny bit of smoke, a little bit of like. But I was like all I have to do is just a little stream of smoke is connecting with the smoke. I don't have to smoke up the whole place where they get. You know it looks like a fog machine and they're like Ooh, so impressed with the lady with all the smoke.

Nataline: 42:30

I've gotten yelled at a lot for not enough smoke. I know I'm always like more smoke, more smoke to everybody, but that just shows how like, like also the magic and medicine of the plants, of the smoke is. It's like it's there whether you use a lot or a little bit. That is and I had to learn this the hard way because I'm also when I do healings I remember over the years people would say you know, if you're coming, like when I go down south, if you're coming, can like when I go down South, if you're coming, can you do a healing on me and I mean I'd be like packing up all the things, my 20 bags, my massage table. Now I'm literally like put my hand on their head, you're done, you're blessed, right.

Nataline: 43:10

Because we think on such a um, especially from Western linear thinking, we think more is more and sometimes it's not. Now I still believe in the bit, like in the love. More is more in the bliss, more is more in the. In a lot of things I still feel more is more, like if you're going to decorate a tree, more is more. But I also understand the simplicity and the magic in the minute, right In the minuscule, in the tiny, the intention.

Beverly: 43:53

I understand what you're saying and that's beautiful and I thank you. What you're saying and that's beautiful and I thank you, natalie, because it's the surrender in what I have in my own ideas versus the unknown, the unpredicted, the mystery, and for that, when I'm being guided to be in a space where this is how I'm used to showing up, and then people are looking at me and then I realize, wait, a minute, I have to adapt to this space. It's been really beautiful for me to transition in that space where I didn't have the tobacco, and it was a real big test to see where is my relationship with the teachings? Do I have an addiction to it? Can I still connect to them? And how am I honoring working in the oneness? Because for me I felt like, okay, well, I was taught we can only walk with one tradition, and that's.

Beverly: 44:45

I've heard a lot of people say only walk with one tradition and I, in the Mayan teachings, there was an energy that I was having a difficult time connecting to and I said, okay, well, my inner guidance told me that this would be the energy from the Tibetan teachings that would help me to connect to it, the light, you know, connecting to the light.

Beverly: 45:04

So how do I become whole and connect to the oneness with the teachings? Well, I have to know that I separate it in my own mind when I say that. So I stopped separating it and saying the ahau or the oneness is everything, and I take a little bit of that in and I take a little bit of that in and I take a little bit of that in the oneness that I walk in. So then it helped me to be more grounded in who I am and to work with my own inner light and then bring in the teachings. That is the medicine. But there is an inner light that I really wanted to connect to, to see the inner strength of that, and that's where that trust begins.

Nataline: 45:37

And that's why I said earlier, when you said, you know where am I in it, and I said once you found yourself, where were you? And it's in the everything. When you find yourself in that inner light, then you find yourself in everything right, instead of the opposite. When we look around and we can't find ourselves, that means you're not in the inner, you're looking for yourself on the outside. But when you find yourself in the inner, then you see yourself in everything. So in every tradition you are there Because, I agree, I have the same feeling. It's hard for me to tell people to only pick one path when I've had an eclectic path, but what I say is take the nuggets from those that get you up that ladder and use that to your benefit. So then, tell us why you were in Nepal. What took you there?

Beverly: 46:38

So I want to shout out to my teacher, char Lee. She is the lineage holder, the lineage mastery holder, for the Tibetan cranial. She is the first woman lineage holder and she has been my Tibetan teacher for five, five years now and this was her last trip going out there. And she said, beverly, better get it together, because this is my last trip, so that you can meet the teachers out there. And it worked out I was able to go and she created the retreat and she had a routine for us in the morning when we would get up and sit in the meditation, and then she left us alone afterwards.

Beverly: 47:19

And first I left us alone afterwards and first I got upset because I was like, wait a minute, this is a retreat. I thought there was more order and I tried to book my flight to come back home. I was just feeling the suffering and pain, like I need some order here. And then I got the message no, we brought you here so that you can walk with your own inner leadership. And I was like, well, what does that look like? So every morning I would get up again, just like when I got sober.

Beverly: 47:49

I would hear go over here, go over there, go over here and go over there and I interacted and met so many people in that country. There has been colon colonization, so they frown upon against white people because there's displaced anger there as well and I have a lot of love and compassion for that. So when I was there, I got treated like I was a napoles, like I was tibetan, because I look just like them, and, um, it got me in the doors to a lot of places where they don't let people come in. So I say that respectfully and humbly that yeah, I got to witness things.

Nataline: 48:27

And so you're here, strawberry moon, learning stuff. You decide to go into Tibetan cranial. And what was the draw?

Beverly: 48:36

to do that. When I was working at Herbs and Arts, one of the employees was a student of the teachings and she had a clinic and she invited us to go and I received a Tibetan cranial and I was like whoa, something happened to me very phenomenal that I can't really describe it because it's hard to describe. It was just something that was beyond familiar. So then I met the teacher and the teacher takes your pulse. You have to have the pulse to take the teachings, because if you don't have the pulse then you can't. So when she said, you have the pulse, would you be interested in taking the classes? And that was the beginning of that.

Nataline: 49:11

And explain to people who might not know what Tibetan cranial is.

Beverly: 49:24

Tibetan cranial is a 5,000 year old teaching that comes from Tibet. The Tibetan teachings is we work in the cranial, we work in the brain, where we're holding space, unconditional love for the medicine, buddha, to come through to balance the four manifestations. So when it balances the four manifestations, we're looking at the three doshas and explain what a dosha is for those who don't know. So it's the pulse in the body, it's the vata, pitta and kapha. So there are specific teachings where we do pulse readings and these are also teachings that Charli walks with and I became a practitioner of her teachings.

Beverly: 50:01

It took me five years to become a practitioner and I had a lot of inner work that I had to look at and it's really humbling myself to be able to be a student. I walked in thinking that I knew everything and I didn't know anything falling on my face, but once I humbled myself and accepted the fact that I'm here to learn and not judge how anyone is holding their medicine, that I was here again hearing the message that we need you to learn this because the people need this medicine. In the Navajo teachings, the Tibetan is called the wind, so they call it wind. They work with the wind in the brain and the body, and I still haven't actually sat with one of the teachers, but I've heard it's similar.

Nataline: 50:53

Yeah, because the two traditions well, you said the Tibetans are connected to the Diné, so there's a lot of similarities in the teachings, right?

Beverly: 51:03

Yes, what drew me to the teachings is the harmony. There was a divine harmony and union that was connected to the bliss that I felt when I first started doing the meditations, when I first healed, and for me, I was able to do this without feeling like I was addicted to it. I could really feel connected in this acceptance, pure love, and it goes beyond any human experience that I've had. It just holds itself in that container. I just have to watch that. I don't have any judgment when I'm in this space, so it really helps me to just be what we would call the hollow bone. But it's more of the lunamis, the transparency of that.

Nataline: 51:49

And so then if someone so you do this as a practitioner, right? So what does that look like? If somebody came in to see you for a healing, like what's the difference between cranial, tibetan, cranial, sacral, and like Reiki or like you know we do, because you also are trained in limpias and curandissimo and plant, you know what I mean, you know how to do all the other. What's the difference here? For people who don't know what this is, we're working with the pulse of the body.

Beverly: 52:18

Know what this is? We're working with the pulse of the body and for me it's not having my own, because when you're working with energy, you can move energy. We talk about that. This is about not moving the energy and this is a stillness that's in the cranial, it's in the brain, and when I surrender to that, my hands just start moving and it's like a dance that takes place and it's connecting to the forehead, it's connecting to the body. I'm still learning what this looks like, but I've noticed that the medicine is very primo when I'm in the space of no judgment and I'm just allowing whatever needs to take place. It's very Because we connect in our hearts while we're in this space. So, because I've had five years of practice in this space, the reason why it's become more primo is because I don't have to worry about doing anything. What?

Nataline: 53:09

do you mean by?

Beverly: 53:09

primo, you mean primal. Well, yeah, well, primal, like I understand, my part is that I'm the vessel for this and because that's just my part in the space, I willingly and accept that. Well, I'm thinking, primo, like oh, primal.

Nataline: 53:25

I'm sorry, cousin, but I'm also thinking like you know, that's like the harmony of being in relationship with, so that's why I wondered if you were saying it that way on purpose.

Beverly: 53:38

Well, maybe Bernie's coming through, I know.

Nataline: 53:40

And that's why I literally just looked at Donya like I'm like.

Nataline: 53:42

So we started this conversation by shouting out to Bernadette Martinez. And Bernadette Martinez is my cousin on my paternal side, on my paternal side. She is her, without confusing the audience, without family tree, you know 5,000 generations. Her uncle Harold is my uncle Harold, through marriage. Her mother's brother is my uncle. He married my dad's aunt, my grandma's sister. Let me say that over my grandma, ruth's sister, della, married her uncle Harold, her mom's brother Bernadette. Then, without knowing this, beverly was here for several years. Bernadette passed away. Beverly was here for several years. Bernadette passed away. Beverly noticed on Facebook that I had mentioned condolences or something that she was my cousin. Beverly had been friends with her for how many years?

Beverly: 54:46

For seven to eight years. We met when she was 16. We stood in contact because she was with Gilbert and Buddy, their brothers, and I was with Buddy.

Nataline: 54:57

And so, years before Beverly ever stepped foot into Strawberry Moon, she was friends with my cousin, which to me, just always so. Then my cousin also my cousin. So this woman, Bernadette, who has transitioned, so we honor her in the season of the ancestors. Her sister is good friends with Tanya, who's on our podcast. Tanya and I have been friends since high school and you have been friends with her sister for how long?

Speaker 4: 55:30

Well, they're my cousins through marriage too.

Nataline: 55:31

Yeah, and they're cousins through marriage through marriage too.

Speaker 4: 55:35

Yeah, and they're cousins through marriage. So Bernadette and Lonnie's mom is my uncle Danny's sister, who married my dad's sister. So we were always raised as cousins. Our families are all buried together at the cemetery. So when you go see my dad and my grandparents, the Tenorios, they're also buried with grandpa, grandma, grandpa Alex, grandpa Alex, and with Lonnie's grandparents and Bernie's grandparents. They're all buried together because the Tenorios and the Martinez's they're like one family. So we're, we were always raised as family. I would never like even consider that she's not your blood.

Nataline: 56:17

Yeah, it is an inch. So Tanya's here today shows up for podcast recording. I'm like, oh, do you know Beverly? This is Beverly. She never met her before from community. And then it hits me like, oh my God, Tanya, I forgot to tell you Beverly knows. Bernadette was the besties with Bernadette was besties with Bernadette back in the day and so you know, it's amazing.

Speaker 4: 56:46

It's such a small world and such a connection. You know you grew up with these people and you just love them. And then you meet somebody that had a different life with them. While Bernie was, you know, in California, we were all still in Walsenburg talking about I wonder how Bernie is. And then she comes back to Walsenburg and she's kind of like the tough person that we always felt safe around, because nobody would mess with you as long as you had Bernie around. So she just was very a tough person and she was funny and fun to be around, and so it's pretty neat. So I'm going to tell her sister to listen to this for sure.

Nataline: 57:24

Yeah. So we'll say shout out to Lonnie. It also just shows the cosmic movement of how and it makes me go. You know how our ancestors on the other side are also playing. You know, working in our favor and pushing us towards things.

Nataline: 57:44

And for you to end up here and be so, you know Beverly is um. You know Beverly in our community it's um, what's the word I'm looking for? You are, I don't want to say well known, I want to say like you are here, you are here, you are um, in all the classes, all the teachings, all the. You sweep the floor. Like I always say, you know, the person who sweeps the floor is, you know, always the most important. Like you're here, fully participating in this community and fully helping to move what we're doing here along. And so, um, it's just, it's just so fascinating to me that you would have a connection that is familial to me and connected to all of us. And so Bernadette is definitely one of those people that you know when you're talking in the beginning about a woman, in that energy of like she was tough but she also loved big and which made her even tougher, right, because the bigger you love, sometimes, the more wounded, the bigger you love, the more pain you often experience, and that can make us even tougher. But I always said, man, god love her. I always when she'd show up at a party or something.

Nataline: 59:12

When I was in high school I always knew because stuff always went down. I lived in a small town. I'm like, oh, my cousin Bernie's here, so I'm good, Like, nobody's going to mess with me, right? Those girls in the corner giving me the side eye, the hairy eyeball, like my aunt always says, so, yes, so I think that in your saying, primo, I think she's like. I think that in your saying, Primo, I think she's like don't forget to mention us that we're all connected here. But to find yourself then going back to your story, to find yourself then Tibetan cranial practitioner, an initiate of the Mayan cosmology, soon to be a Mayan spiritual guide, or you, technically, are already a Mayan spiritual guide. You also do work blessing the. Tell us about your. So when I think of Beverly, I always think of the connection to the earth, because you have a connection to the earth down to the microorganisms.

Beverly: 1:00:11

Tell us about that organisms Tell us about that. So I've been asked to hold space in different communities to do land blessings. And at first it started because Yolotel a shout out to Yolotel she said you're from these lands and that's retribution. You know that's people giving back reciprocity. And she seen something in the prayers and at first I was in real resistance, like no, I cannot do this, like I cannot do this, and I had to really dig deep inside on why I would want to do this. And it was because the healing that I received from the land when I first got sober from the methamphetamines. So in that relationship it's creating the authenticity of what I'm receiving in that space.

Beverly: 1:01:01

Moving forward, now people ask me to do land blessings at their gardens different farmers and I work with a scientist and I work with Zuza, who's also a part of um, natures for Love, and AFCA and Promotores Veres and um. I originally got started with them because I got offered uh, americorps it was a grant and um. I met a lot of different farmers and the work that we do is rematriation with the buffalo. And at first again, you know, when I started to work with the scientists, I just listened because I'm like what's my part in this and then when I was giving a voice to be in the space, it was about the science is very masculine, the indigenous perspective is very gentle, or there's another way of connecting that connects you to your heart, and that's how it originally started. And then the unraveling of my heart of how am I making a deeper connection with that which gives us our food, water and our shelter, started to look at that and started to look at my own body and my own relationship with that.

Beverly: 1:02:09

So we have recently been doing buffalo rematriation where we've been taking buffalo dung, recently been doing buffalo rematriation where we've been taking buffalo dung, because the buffalo dung has an ecosystem, the biodiversity, to give the soil all the nutrients that it needs. And we all know the story of how the buffalo have been taken from these lands. So we've been reintroducing the buffalo back into the land when we have forest patches. And in that space I ask for forgiveness for all life, in all humanity, because if we leave one person out, then it creates that segregation and separation and I don't. I don't want to do that. So in that space, when you give something back to mother earth, you take the microorganisms of that and put it back in. Something mystical and beautiful starts to happen within your own system and the world.

Beverly: 1:02:58

so it's like putting things back in order so now we do the hair, now we do the bones. And we had the first release of the native dung beetles with the mountain state park and I want to shout out to Shannon Dennison, who is the director she's the first woman to have this position and I got invited to be in the space and they had the first release of the native dung beetles and I got to offer the prayer. This is done nationally. So, because you know the erasure of the buffalo, so because you know the erasure of the buffalo, erasure of the, what they call the, they call them tunnelers and then they call them the new beetles that where they grab the poop and they take it down, they call the tunnelers.

Beverly: 1:03:50

Those are the dung beetles that they returned. We have the top beetles that just kind of like dig holes in the top of the. They're just like top feeders. They're not irrigating, they're not putting the poop down in the land and that's what these beetles really do. So there's two different traffics that are taking place with the dung patties and it's just beautiful to watch because as above, so below, and there's so many things that are happening and I like to see the holistic relationship in that and the indigenous relationship, and that also reminds me of the Egyptian teachings of the beetle, the scarab and the scarab going underground first.

Nataline: 1:04:31

Right, it goes underground and then comes up as the sun rises, but it takes the dung underground. Yeah, don't forget, poop is spiritual too, yeah, it's true. It's so true like people don't understand how mystical and intelligent this system is they're a keystone element to the land.

Nataline: 1:04:54

Yeah, Like so let's just create, okay, so you like, you know the, the buffalo, um, you know, has its movement and a beetle is created to then take those organisms down into the ground to continue to regenerate, right, whatever's growing net, like it's a, that cycle, and but how fascinating that it doesn't just fall into the earth like there is a. This is why I say everything, even a beetle, has a purpose, a mission. Well, that's how the mycelium, yeah.

Beverly: 1:05:30

So, yes, continue. That's how the mycelium is created. So then it brings the biodiversity and then it's creating the nutrients for the soul, I mean the soil. Well, it could be the soul, yeah, it could be the soul. And so then that the irrigation is also taking place and that their livelihood is protected from the top. Because, you know, here in united states or here in in Denver, we clean up everything. We need to leave the leaves, we need to lay to rest the plants. Some people say chop and drop. I don't say that. We say lay to rest with the ancestors, so that they're covering their ecosystem, and they need that. Yeah.

Nataline: 1:06:09

I say this every fall. I haven't said it yet this fall because it's been 80 degrees. But like stop, what do you call it? Raking your leaves? Stop raking the leaves, like so many people spend all this time and energy and money to rake leaves or to clean up their yard. Nature knows what it's doing. It's protecting the ground through the winter. It's creating that environment for the microorganisms to do their job. They can't do that if you, even with the dandelions, even with the polios, when people want to kill the polios, and you know, and I'm like those are pollinators, you don't want to kill them, you want to, you know. Okay, you don't like them in your house, throw them outside, but don't kill them. They all have a purpose?

Beverly: 1:06:57

Yeah, so because we've been doing this work, we've been asked to go to different places and have the prayer, and one of the visions that we got is that when you return something back to its original place, the organisms of that start speaking to each other, because the earth is alive, everything has energy and it's alive.

Beverly: 1:07:18

And the message also, too, was that that organism would go back and talk to the buffalo where they're at now, to let them know that they are caged because consciousness all over the world is wakening and the buffalo now. They've lost their blueprint to their DNA because of the colonization. They've been traveled over here, traveled over there, and they're, you know, in Genesee Park. I'm really grateful that they're there, but their blueprint isn't there. So there's going to be a signal that goes back to the buffalo and their consciousness will awaken and they're going to realize this fence I can push over and our hope and our prayer is that the people will protect them and not put them back in the cage, because that's the liberation of the animals, that's the liberation of our consciousness, and when we're together, working in that right, something else is being created and supporting us in a space of not having our own ideas or the attachment of what's going to happen.

Nataline: 1:08:17

Yeah, they should roam free.

Beverly: 1:08:19

Yes, because without them being here we can't do what they do. No, and out of respect for what they do for not just the indigenous people, which I'm really grateful for the medicine and the ceremonies and the traditional medicine, but what they do for the land and all of the habitat that they create, yeah, that's what people need to understand is it's not just for one group of people, it's what they do for the whole planet.

Nataline: 1:08:44

Just like the bees, just like the polios, just like the dandelions. Everything has a purpose and a season, a purpose, a reason. It's in the Bible and so, yeah, we need to stop messing with nature. But, you know, thank you for being someone who is not only praying for the land I pray for the land, I do the blessings but you're also in action of actually putting things back into place or helping people to put things back into place, and that's what I feel like also. We can pray and I, you know it's two things. I know that when we ask for certain things, when we go into that consciousness of recalibrating or re what did I say earlier about, um, bringing things back into order we can do that. I do that in the consciousness. You're also doing that in the consciousness and in the actual, actual physical, helping those people.

Nataline: 1:09:50

The scientist is also. It's great about you working with the scientist because then it's not just woo-woo stuff. I think that sometimes we get the reputation for, like you know, people are fascinated with the prayers and they love them. They're like oh, that was really beautiful. They don't understand the mysticism of what goes on.

Nataline: 1:10:11

And I feel like also, when we have a scientist also standing there saying, yes, these things happen, like scientific you know, I come from scientists they want to prove stuff. So, yeah, yeah, you know, okay, yeah, we know, nanny, that you know stuff, you know, but like, prove it to me. That's where I go, like I like that people are coming together, collaborating in a way now that is like everyone can get on board, because it's like this isn't just a woo-woo thing, this isn't just an indigenous thing, this isn't just a spiritual thing, this is a humanity, this is an earth thing. And so when you can have all the people at the table, understand and working from every direction underground, on the ground, in the heavens, that's where we're going to make leaps and bounds in bringing order and resurrection to the lands again.

Beverly: 1:11:11

Yes and you don't, for the work that I do, especially with the land. I don't have to understand it. It's again going with what's being asked in the messages that I receive and the clarity of that and the medicine itself. There's an innocence that comes to just being present and being vulnerable to channel the medicine. That comes through and the scientist really gives the science perspective. I come in with a more softer approach and that's just.

Beverly: 1:11:40

We work well together in that space and I really didn't do a good description of how he, you know, talks. But for me it's about how do we enter mother earth? We ask for permission before we work with her, because she is alive and that's my part is because she's given us everything. And then how are we going to treat her? We're going to be respectful when we're in this space. So it's gentle, it's nurturing, and my job is to go into the history for a little bit only for healing, but it's also to bring the awareness of all indigeneity all over the world and the prayer has been getting bigger and bigger and to be present with what's being asked right in the moment.

Nataline: 1:12:21

So Well, when you say you don't need to understand it, I, yes, I agree I don't need. There's a lot I do. I don't need to understand. My thing is, though, other people often need an understanding, and I feel like where we affect humanity, where we affect the earth, is when we not only help people to understand, but to see the mystical, the magical, the beauty of it, not just from a woo-woo spiritual perspective, but from how intelligent mystical nature is, and when people understand this, they want to protect it.

Nataline: 1:13:01

When you go to something like what you're doing, even like we have some community members that plant trees and stuff, and plant them with the permissions of the earth, with the sacred ceremony of it, when we understand what these things do for us, it's like I've been in the barrier reef, I've been in the ocean, snorkeling and stuff, where I've seen the reef dying. When you see it dying, you want to do something about it rather than just being preached at that. We need to save the earth. I feel that strong, and then, when I saw the great barrier reef in its beauty, in its prime, oh heck, yeah, we need to save the planet, but I also what I want is for people to not, because where I hear the pushback is I don't want things shoved down my throat. You don't need them to be shoved down your throat.

Nataline: 1:13:49

Come and listen to this prayer, come and understand. Let me tell you the story of the beetle that takes the dung under the ground and starts everything over again. That's where I want people, in everything they do, to be like where's the mysticism, where's the magic, where's the divine intelligence? Because if we catch them in that space, even if, if they don't understand it, they're going to want to save the beetle, they're going to want to save the buffalo right, we forget? Like everyone wants to save the buffalo, do we need to save the beetle too? So, thank you for doing what you do, but also for the listeners. I want them to really understand like this isn't. Everything we do on this podcast is never to be about scolding or shoving things down your throat. It's to have you understand there is magic, mysticism and a divine intelligence in everything around you.

Beverly: 1:14:53

Intelligence in everything around you and, when you can, even in your pain see yourself in that you want to do something about it and because it healed me. That's me giving back and you know there are cards that I pull and they'll say what is your desire and tell me your desire. There are Kuan Yin cards and in your desire, what will you give me back? And I always say the authenticity and the integrity that I walk with with you and that has been a pivotal change in my spirituality and my relationship to that which gives me life.

Beverly: 1:15:33

I don't answer to people but yes, I'm in community.

Beverly: 1:15:35

Yes, we show up and we still have accountability there. But it's more about when I get up, what am I doing with my first intention and my first thought and the first breath that I breathe? So I like feeling the closeness and the relationship of that and that's where my compassion is coming from, because now I get to see myself in a new light, where I'm not in a rush, I can rest and sleep, but at the same time I get to deal with me and I like to be in a space where I'm not judging myself. But I had to learn this through the plants, the trees, you know, sitting outside and trusting that when I hear the voice that's asking me to do this, that I'm safe, because I already asked that question in the beginning. I asked to be safe in this relationship that I'm creating with you, and if you can give me that, then I will continue to do. What you asked me to do and that's one of the most profound things is to ask for what you want and need.

Nataline: 1:16:39

Beautiful. I agree, I concur. Any questions from anybody. Questions, comments.

Speaker 3: 1:16:47

I just want to say that I appreciate Beverly always being so open about her past and like what she's went through to get to this point, because I think a lot of people need to realize like you could have had a dark past and still be a bright light, and I appreciate her. So thank you, beverly, for always sharing that.

Nataline: 1:17:11

Yeah, that's um super important, because that's's one thing I want the listeners to always know is like it's never too late. It's never too late to get sober. It's never too late to find your mission. It's never too late to figure out what your soul's purpose is, how to contribute, how to know you are important, to know you are sacred, to know that you have worth. Like you, you know, I feel strongly like here we really honor our elders and um, beverly is an elder, but I mean she's a young elder, um, but I feel like part of why I mean, there's many reasons why I honor the elders, but one of them also is because I want people to the young people to go like oh I, I don't feel like my life's over at 30. I've made so many mistakes I don't know how to fix it Right.

Nataline: 1:18:05

We've talked about, like Mariah in her story of like the dark ages and thinking like you wasted all this time and like, but no, what I wanted to make clear wasted all this time and like, but no. What I wanted to make clear and I said this earlier is your spiritual path started the day you were conceived and we say your awakening might've been when you got sober but your walk started. You walked in the dark, in the depths, in the hard realities, so that you could help guide people Like the, like the, the stories in the Mayan cosmology of the twins. You know they walk, they went in the darkness and found a way out, and that's how you guide humanity. You can't guide humanity in a direction you've never, from a place you've never been, and so you're.

Nataline: 1:18:58

So anyone listening and I say this to Beverly like your past is nothing to be ashamed of or feel like it was a waste of time or too late or no. It is what you it is. It was your schooling to bring you to the place you are now, so that you could master right. That was your undergrad. Now this is how you master and to be able to go like the you from that time period. What would she say about the you now? Would she be surprised that you are a Mayan spiritual guide? Slash Tibetan cranial practitioner. Slash land curandera.

Beverly: 1:19:48

You're asking me to look at when I was using and then I would have laughed at myself. I would have laughed and thought never. And then I would have laughed at myself. I would have laughed and thought never. And one of the things that I want to shout out to my mom I want to shout out to my mom and my dad, who is crossed over, and Rob and my children. I just want to shout out to my family because they've been supportive in my spirituality, in my work, and I just want them to know that I love them and I have to be able and willing to accept everything that I went through to be who I am today. And I know that's been hard on my kids because I abandoned my kids.

Beverly: 1:20:29

You know, when I was in my drug use, and one of the most profound shifts in my life is when I came to the crossroad, where I heard my inner guidance say and one of the most profound shifts in my life is when I came to the crossroad where I heard my inner guidance say you want your children to forgive you, then you have to forgive your father. And um, I was like at the time, like how me forgive my dad after all the harm that he caused me and I said yes, and I didn't understand that until after he passed away and he came to see me. And well, I held his hand while he took his last breath and I said that I forgave him. But I knew that I still had inner work to do. And when I started to look at the inner work of forgiving my dad and understanding that something also had happened to him, and started to look at the lineage and start to see the behaviors of our family, I was like, oh so then, when you are presented with seeing that it has to start with you, because that's a seer that I don't know how it's going to work, I don't know how it's going to unravel for my children, but I know that I have to forgive my father first. So I'm going to go into that space and trust again the inner guidance to show me how to do that. And that's meaning seeing where I'm blocked, seeing where I'm still holding grudges, and to just let it go and to know that I have been forgiven for what I have done in my part, in my relationship with my dad also, and it frees me up in the space where I could talk about it as medicine now, so that it's inspiring where the people need it.

Beverly: 1:21:57

But it also gave me an opportunity to leave the door open for my children, who now forgive me and they come in and out of my life, which I'm really grateful, but they forgive me. I didn't know how it was going to affect my children, but I heard the inner guidance tell me that it would, and so my job is to keep the door open for when they want to see me, when they want to visit, and not give them a hard time when they don't or when they cancel on me, because that's the openness of forgiveness, that is the openness of loving unconditionally, and that's something I had to learn. It wasn't something that was taught my mom, on the other hand now she's badass, my mom. I was just telling her today thank you, mama, for being the first person in your family to love your kids unconditionally. She definitely changed the history in our lineage and I love her for that and I thank her for that.

Nataline: 1:22:50

Wow, well, we thank her for you. Yeah, so shout out to Beverly's mama what's her name? Nancy, nancy. Shout out, nancy. Good job, anything else?

Speaker 4: 1:23:02

No, so many relatable things. It was very inspiring, so thank you for everything. It was great.

Nataline: 1:23:12

Yeah, and Tanya has not ever really been around Beverly, so this is a fresh story for her.

Speaker 4: 1:23:18

Wait till you see what I put on the altar. It just all kind of is weird.

Nataline: 1:23:21

Yeah, yeah, we'll have to look yeah.

Beverly: 1:23:26

May I say one thing else to the listeners, so to people who are struggling in things that it's been difficult for you to face. I want to share with you one of the most magical points in my life is to understand that we are everything and nothing at the same time. And when I say this, when I say that we are everything, most people want to go into the space of the harm and the pain and the suffering. I want you to go into the most magical place that you can create in your thoughts, in your heart, and create the magic from that space. Because when we have the openness and the flexibility and adaptability to see that we are everything, the hope and the inspiration changes. That is where the divine can come in and say, oh, you're opening up to this possibility.

Beverly: 1:24:15

Let me show you, because that's when the transition and the brain starts to change on how it responds and how it reacts, and you can take a pause for a second and not be so afraid or be in your fear to say, oh, that it's the worst thing if I'm everything, it's accepting that we're everything and that I get to choose what I want to bring into my life through that creative imagination. That's where the inner connection to me and the intimate relationship is created and I just want to inspire and hope that people can go into that space or, if they want to come and see me for a session, they're more welcome. You know, I welcome you to come and have a session with me.

Nataline: 1:24:53

Yes, yes, please seek her out. We'll post her information in the description so that you can go and have a Tibetan cranial, sacral experience. And I just want to say thank you, beverly, for coming today and being on the podcast, being open to talk about all the things, and for being an integral part of the community. We've come a long way, you and I, and we have a very, I think, sacred relationship and honor and respect each other and honor and respect each other. Um, beverly gives me, um, a lot of love and um, I've had to learn to be a little bit more receptive because, you know, I, uh, I'm one of, I'm like the people in Nepal, like why do you want to hug me Anytime people want to hug me? Why do you want to hug me? Don't fuss over me. She has given me, she has softened me in the receiving of that love. So I appreciate you and I appreciate all you do around here and what you bring to community. So we will close with a blessing and, yes, thank you, it was beautiful. Take a nice deep breath.

Nataline: 1:26:26

God, goddess, all that is, all of our souls, counsel, our teachers, our guides, our angels, we call upon you today and we ask to create sacred space around and through each individual person listening. We ask to create a vortex of energy, protection and healing. I ask today to raise the frequencies of whoever is listening, to lift the heavy, dense energies, the stresses, the worries from their being. I ask today, in this energy of the sacred divine connection, that you find and fulfill your mission, your soul's purpose. Fulfill your mission, your soul's purpose. I ask today that if you are in your darkness, in your feeling alone, isolated, you can't find yourself anywhere. I ask today that this energy go deep into your being, into the center of your being, that you will find yourself there in the quiet, the calm, the stillness, in the sacredness of all that you are. And I ask that from that space, you begin to see yourself in the everything, everywhere and in everyone.

Nataline: 1:27:51

I ask today that you be blessed with self-acceptance, forgiveness of the self first and all those who have caused you harm. I ask to free and liberate you from the traps, from the traps of death, from the traps of woundedness, from the traps of separation. I ask that you remember the truth of who you are, the oneness of all that is, and that your heart flower, that your heart open to theess of whatever it is. You need clarity, sobriety, abundance, health, wealth, joy. That all that you need be open to you be handed to you, that you may be blessed and ready to step upon your path and find your way out of the dark. Panteo shahau, panteo shakwa, panteo shana o meteo. So it is Amen.